tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post7749966806652189374..comments2023-07-30T15:43:31.655+03:00Comments on Headspace: Lone WolvesKatriinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-64381733934712543642021-08-31T05:00:32.717+03:002021-08-31T05:00:32.717+03:00兔費色情視頻直播間
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I do quite good small talk, I remember to smile and ask (without expecting a real answer) how everyone is doing etc., but it does still feel quite painful. Why not rather be quiet than just fill the pauses compulsively and nervously with empty chatter... Well, of course this is stereotyping in part and there's a huge amount of individual variation, but I think we really do have genuine national differences in these matters.<br /><br />There is room for misconceptions and misunderstandings too - I think Finns often are actually quite considerate and caring, but it just shows in different and quite minimalist ways. It's seen as considerate and polite to give people room and peace, and not interrupt their thoughts with idle chatter and your general prescence. If they need specific assistance or just company, they will take the first step. I don't think this is a better way or a worse way of interacting with strangers, just different. (Though I quite like that certain generous and open helpfullness that you can experience in many countries - we could do with bit of that!)stockholm slenderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16909107517362691387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-38156700988501991842012-06-30T08:18:44.427+03:002012-06-30T08:18:44.427+03:00Life Of An Expat Parent, thank you so much for tak...Life Of An Expat Parent, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by for a read!<br /><br />I feel the same - I feel uncomfortable not reaching out. I wrote another post (The Finn Who Came In From The Cold) about that very feeling - of having to restrain my urge to help. It felt so cold to have to hold back in the name of social convention...Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-40009643201256573032012-06-30T00:04:26.820+03:002012-06-30T00:04:26.820+03:00Thanks so much for sharing your post with me. I a...Thanks so much for sharing your post with me. I am so much like you, although we lived in countries that were worlds apart. I think it is as much to do with culture as it is to do with being a feeler and I am a HUGE feeler. I so desperately want to help the people I see who are in need, whether friend or stranger, but living here for 8 years has meant that I have to hold that desire in tension with the Brits' insistence on living their lives privately. I have found that I have become better at Not Getting Involved (although I sometimes fail), but I'm not so sure I like myself very much when I ignore people rather than engage with them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-34790294843297429542012-05-24T06:06:47.660+03:002012-05-24T06:06:47.660+03:00Russell, thank you so much for dropping by for a r...Russell, thank you so much for dropping by for a read! I think you are absolutely right - Aussies really do have a need to connect. I like it too, though it can certainly be a bit overwhelming for people who aren't used to it. After years living outside Australia, when I'm back there for visits it all feels quite relentless!Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-21613777459965094512012-05-24T04:05:32.212+03:002012-05-24T04:05:32.212+03:00Great post, Katriina. I used to work for a multina...Great post, Katriina. I used to work for a multinational in Europe and spent a lot of my time working in different European countries. I found the same thing. My colleagues from places such as Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Finland were more reserved. It sometimes came off as cold, but I really believe it was just a different way of interacting in the public domain.<br /><br />Fast forward 10 years to life in Australia and I've decided that Aussies simply want to connect. The lady in the house behind me will hang out of her window and tell me her news. The guy on the bus will make observations about the weather and the state of public transport. Strangers in shops will start chatting to me about random events. Australians want to interact and connect. It can be seen as friendliness but I think it's primarily that feeling of wanting to share and reach out and 'have a chat'. I like it. Although now and again I want a little 'introversion' ;-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10678583424394967173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-25517856433653503562012-05-23T21:18:15.399+03:002012-05-23T21:18:15.399+03:00Well said, Anonymous. ¨
Before I came to Finland, ...Well said, Anonymous. ¨<br />Before I came to Finland, I lived in Japan for many years. Interestingly, I think Finns and Japanese have a surprising amount in common, including the fact that both their countries could be said to be places of retreat from the "extrovert playground" that is much of the Western world.Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-89243727342731150402012-05-23T21:07:39.180+03:002012-05-23T21:07:39.180+03:00Well, there *should* be at least one culture in th...Well, there *should* be at least one culture in the world that isn't a purely extrovert playground.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-8191067687105428542012-05-09T22:05:21.127+03:002012-05-09T22:05:21.127+03:00Katri, I'm so thrilled that you enjoyed readin...Katri, I'm so thrilled that you enjoyed reading my posts, and I'm even more thrilled that you took the time to leave such a long and interesting comment. Thank you for your honest and insightful thoughts. When you said "us Finns just need space and silence to deal with something difficult" I thought immediately of my husband - when he's sick he is like a wounded bear who retreats to the bedroom and refuses all offers of help and sympathy, and when he's worried about something he sits and stares into space, and wants only to be left alone to think. Your observation that "I cannot go through my own emotions if someone intrudes on my personal space" was so beautifully expressed - I really understand now. I feel as though I've been able to put a new piece in place in the "Understanding the Finnish Psyche" jigsaw that I'm doing in my head :)Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-35730496188919858202012-05-09T21:49:55.892+03:002012-05-09T21:49:55.892+03:00I found our blog through JustHeather, I am Finnish...I found our blog through JustHeather, I am Finnish myself, but living in Ireland. I ended up going through your posts for quite a while. Really enjoying your blog :) <br /><br />I know exactly what you're going through, although reversed. I always thought I was very un-Finnish, friendly and open when I lived there, but moving here has made me realize that even the most open Finnish person would only be close to a rather shy Irish individual. And I have to say that the constant chit-chat and never-ending babble has been really hard to get used to, and even still I often get claustrophobic just because there is too much noise. I often feel like I need to stay in, just because I really really don't want to say a word to anyone and quietness is considered rude here. <br /><br />This does not only extend to the rather empty small talk, which I find hard to cope with sometimes (I think I still do often believe in if you don't have anything new to say just be quiet) but even people's symphathy does feel like an intrusion most of the time. I think us Finns just need space and silence to deal with something difficult and someone else's even very sincere comforting just makes me at least feel worse. I feel like I cannot go through my own emotions if someone intrudes on my personal space. No matter how well-meaning or close they are (yes, this even includes friends and family)<br /><br />Where and why this came about, I have no idea. And why it seems anywhere else (even Sweden) people talk a lot more.. I don't know. It is something I think both of us just have to learn to understand :)Katrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13666161935981904581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-36885280032686870942012-04-23T06:39:57.516+03:002012-04-23T06:39:57.516+03:00I just saw your reply here. Im not too sure on tha...I just saw your reply here. Im not too sure on that one. We havent spent a lot of time in Sydney - other than short vacations, but here in our small town I find that he's more popular than I am! ;) Granted he's a much more friendly and outgoing person - I am more withdrawn until I get to know people - but I do think here at least, his American accent is a bit of a novelty. There's very few Americans in the town and when people ask where he's from etc etc they all want to talk about American football, or ask about hollywood etc. I do remember seeing on an ABC meet the press type show an interview with a man that worked as an actor in the US who was Iraqui by birth and looked VERY middle-eastern. When he got work in the US he said that he met a famous actor who told him "If you speak with an American accent, people here will consider you American, regardless of what you look like." He went on to say (in his very authentic Australian accent) that it was not the case here. Because he LOOKED very foreign, he was judged quite harshly (even more so since 9/11) and definitely wasnt considered 'authentic Australian.' I think we ca be quite racist like that - so I see your point.Karynhttp://karynpyle.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-66964146272490034392012-04-05T22:23:59.646+03:002012-04-05T22:23:59.646+03:00Anonymous, touche!!Anonymous, touche!!Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-290149618886360472012-03-31T22:06:46.524+03:002012-03-31T22:06:46.524+03:00It's probably just that criminals are an easy-...It's probably just that criminals are an easy-going bunch that don't concern themselves with petty things (like who owns what)...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-91803492533341030682012-03-31T15:21:01.412+03:002012-03-31T15:21:01.412+03:00How is it possible, then, that your convict descen...How is it possible, then, that your convict descendents in Australia could have evolved into such a relentlessly outgoing bunch? Maybe this is the ultimate proof that it's a weather thing...Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-87939214227393428012012-03-26T21:28:30.852+03:002012-03-26T21:28:30.852+03:00Finns sounds remarkably like the English...Finns sounds remarkably like the English...Stevehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02133900289384226725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-57483110971058873102012-03-24T08:09:35.250+02:002012-03-24T08:09:35.250+02:00Oh yes, you Scots are seriously hard to understand...Oh yes, you Scots are seriously hard to understand! Even the "aye" instead of "yes" throws me. Then again, I'm the person who struggled to understand the local "dialect" in AUCKLAND. Yes, the Auckland that is in New Zealand, i.e. Australia's neighbouring country. <br />It was embarrassing in the extreme.Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-331502680957425552012-03-23T11:13:09.347+02:002012-03-23T11:13:09.347+02:00Oh yeah, I also get the same impression...nowadays...Oh yeah, I also get the same impression...nowadays even though I don't know my customers' names, but I always try to smile at those familiar faces and say hi 'coz I just feel REALLY rude if I don't do that. The problem is that it's a very small village and I do live downtown, so it's kinda hard to remember those people who aren't really regular customers. But just to be safe, I try to smile at anyone who makes eye contact with me ha ha...<br /><br />I'd count your Finnish friend as a friend, even though you don't speak Finnish (yet) to each other he he...Amelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16792921371964029469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-49612138003873653782012-03-23T01:30:55.672+02:002012-03-23T01:30:55.672+02:00Haha! I am absolutely certain that you would! And ...Haha! I am absolutely certain that you would! And we even speak our own "foreign" language here... another perfect linguistic challenge for you! <br />My friend has a lovely new Australian partner - he is hilariously bamboozled when she and I get together to speak in our fast broad Scots. He genuinely hasn't any idea what we are saying! (but that does come in handy occasionally!).sansserifhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16445280597626572292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-22755424331611494862012-03-22T20:46:33.546+02:002012-03-22T20:46:33.546+02:00That story about your husband is just beautiful, a...That story about your husband is just beautiful, and yes, I agree that the way he handled the situation was touching, not to mention very Finnish. What a gentleman. :)<br /><br />I guess the difference is (if I'm not just romanticising or mis-remembering) that in Australia, an onlooker probably would have gone up to the woman and offered their condolences, and the woman (far from feeling embarrassed) possibly would have even accepted a hug! It's just a very different way of living through various situations, and I think both ways work for those involved. <br /><br />The more I think about it, the more I think you (and Karin) are right about this being largely a climate thing!<br /><br />I realise that as a non-Finn, I have to let Finns be as they have always been. On the other hand, I doubt I'll ever be able to change enough to become "Finnish" myself in this respect. At least Finns are straight talkers, and (as has been the case up until now) will no doubt inform me if my behaviour is too far out of their comfort zone!Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-35539495660932677102012-03-22T20:33:54.339+02:002012-03-22T20:33:54.339+02:00This trait does seem to be very common in cold pla...This trait does seem to be very common in cold places! Thanks for your good wishes :)Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-37767495167084253622012-03-22T16:55:41.112+02:002012-03-22T16:55:41.112+02:00Where I'm from in the USA, interactions are qu...Where I'm from in the USA, interactions are quite similar to those in Finland. People aren't apt to chat much. One thing I'll say for Finland, though, is that I actually think they're kinder here. For instance, where I'm from, if you start chatting with someone you don't know, they likely will look deeply pissed off rather than frightened. ;)<br /><br />As for me, I'm comfortable with the Finnish way because it's what I'm used to. I do remember one incident in which my husband acted very Finn-like, and it impressed me deeply. I was visiting him before we were married, and we took a train from Lappeenranta to Helsinki so that I could catch a plane back to the US. Across the aisle from us was a (Finnish) woman absolutely distraught. She was sobbing, clutching her cell phone and talking desperately with someone on the other end. My husband later told me that, from what he could parse, her father had died and due to some train delay the day before, she had missed his funeral. <br /><br />When we got off the train and decided to catch a cab to the airport, my husband asked the woman if she would like to share our cab. She said yes, he helped her with her bags, and off we went. There was very little talk on the way, and the woman seemed to have calmed. When she got out of the cab, my husband paid the entire fare before she could say anything. There was no discussion. No, "Oh, no, I couldn't let you do that," "Oh, but I insist," talk. He just did what he could to make her life easier, and yet he managed not to needlessly embarrass her by letting on that he'd heard her private business. There was something so beautiful about the way he handled it. <br /><br />That said, I think friendlier societies are wonderful, too. It just has to be a climate thing.Elenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08648484965005836045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-47796464904675370752012-03-22T16:34:26.103+02:002012-03-22T16:34:26.103+02:00I think this is a 'northern' thing. I even...I think this is a 'northern' thing. I even found it in the north-west if the Netherlands, people just seem so much inside themselves... I feel for you!Karienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07030460465762682810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-5651005883010401052012-03-22T15:04:11.540+02:002012-03-22T15:04:11.540+02:00Karyn, I forgot to mention - when I lived in Sydne...Karyn, I forgot to mention - when I lived in Sydney with my Finnish husband, I became convinced that Australians behave differently (and, I think, in a less friendly and natural way) towards people who speak English with a non-Australian accent. Do you find that people treat you differently, and more like "one of them" when you are by yourself? It was mostly because of this that I decided I didn't want us to continue living in Australia. I was tired of feeling as though my own husband was an outsider. Like your husband, it didn't bother him, but it really got to me.Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-86218915847678940362012-03-22T14:57:56.986+02:002012-03-22T14:57:56.986+02:00Anonymous, it sounds like we've lived very sim...Anonymous, it sounds like we've lived very similar lives! Yes, I absolutely agree that Japan (well, Tokyo at least) and Finland are pretty similar when it comes to people "keeping themselves to themselves". Only in Tokyo, for instance, can you be standing on a train so crowded that you are literally within kissing distance of 3 or 4 other human beings, and yet everyone is completely silent (not necessarily a bad thing, to be honest...) <br /><br />When you mentioned that you moved Back Home, I felt a pang of envy. I cannot deny that there are lots of things I miss about Australia. At the same time, I feel at home and settled here in Helsinki in a way I never did in Tokyo. The reasons for that are many and complex (more than enough for a long separate blog post...) For now, at least, I can get my fix from trips back to Oz now and then. Oh, and from Blast-From-The-Past tv shows that I catch here now and then and glue myself to in a haze of nostalgia (a bit of Flying Doctors, anyone?!)Katriinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08403719183047819222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2668756162872571497.post-10935526558401139902012-03-22T14:42:14.369+02:002012-03-22T14:42:14.369+02:00Katriina,
I can very much empathise with you! As...Katriina, <br /><br />I can very much empathise with you! As an outsider at a Finnish family reunion once, I suffered major culture shock observing everyone stirring their coffees constantly and wordlessly, while I attempted to punctuate the silence with chit-chat. Needless to say my efforts were met with polite smiles, more silence and eyes pointed at the table top. I was bewildered indeed. <br /><br />As for Australia, after years living in Japan, which as you will probably agree is very similar to Finland in this regard, the end of an exhausted red-eye flight back to Australia (for 3 days before racing back to Tokyo) found me struggling with my overhead luggage, but only for a brief moment, as a kindly wraparound sunglasses type stepped in to take it off me and lower it to the ground with "I'll get that for you, love". The same kind of chattiness and kindness continued all through immigration, baggage and customs, with a parade of different people, so that I nearly collapsed with the recognition that it was Time to Live Back Home. And here I am.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com